“I’m fine”

If you ask me

that question again,

I’ll think you really care,

and you’re going to hear

a terrible thing or two

that might ruin your day.

“Don’t worry about it”

I’ll worry about it instead,

and probably all week—

wondering what I did wrong,

or what I could do

so that you don’t ever

have to hear me

apologizing again.

“I’ve got a lot going on”

Beneath all the labor

of the year,

I am busy

trying to convince myself

to kill myself.

So, I ask for your patience,

as I am also busy

trying to convince myself

not to kill myself.

” . . . “

I had to put the guns away.

I sat in the dark

for hours without realizing.

I don’t remember when I last showered.

I broke down and cried

on the floor again.

I have been fantasizing about death.

I need help.